“Hey, I thought my annual man-titty exam wasn’t until next week????”
FADE IN:
INT. NEW YORK
TESSA THOMPSON
Child me rescued an alien and the MIB
forgot to neuralyze me so I’ve spent my
entire life trying to find them and now I
have!
She infiltrates MIB HQ and is caught instantly.
EMMA THOMPSON interrogates her, frowningly.
TESSA THOMPSON
Don’t neuralyze me bro! I want to join
your franchise!
EMMA THOMPSON
We don't just hire any crazy person who
walks in from the MCU, we recruit the best
of the best of the best of the best.
TESSA THOMPSON
Please Emma? We both have the same last
name.
EMMA THOMPSON
(pause)
Go on.
TESSA THOMPSON
And I think you look sexy in your MIB
outfit. Complimenting your potential
female boss on her looks and outfit is a
great way to get hired in 2019, right?
EMMA THOMPSON
I'm not neuralyzing the fuck out of you so
it must be.
(frown reduces by 15%)
Ok I’ll give you a chance, but first we
need to show the audience how skilled and
adept you are at alien policing so let's
take 2 minutes to update the training
scene from the first movie with some new
and wacky tests.
TESSA THOMPSON
That sounds boring so how about you just
take my word that I'm already the best
agent ever? That's how hiring works these
days right?
EMMA THOMPSON
You're right it is, no testing necessary.
I mean sure we made Will Smith compete
against highly trained military personnel
to prove his worthiness but he wasn't a
her-o so welcome to the Men in Black!
TESSA THOMPSON
Whoa whoa hold up, “Men” in Black?
This offends me. It should be “People
In Black” or “Humans In Black”, as I
have publicly stated in interviews.
EMMA THOMPSON
So you think a franchise about space
aliens and headlined by a black man needs
to be... more inclusive? Are you going
for some kind of irony achievement?
TESSA THOMPSON
Achievepeoplet.
EMMA THOMPSON
Ok first of all the title has historical
significance and we have all kinds of
genders, races, and species in our
organization and I, a female woman, am the
head of the New York branch despite my
Britishness so chill the fuck out Anita
Sarkeesian. Besides the last franchise to
take the men out of its title was Dark
Phoenix which tanked almost as hard as the
new Hellboy.
TESSA THOMPSON
THERE WAS A NEW HELLBOY MOVIE?!
EMMA THOMPSON
Exactly. What moron thought rebooting a
franchise heavily dependent on its
original actors and director and casting
all new people was going to work...
(slowly turns head)
(looks directly into camera)
Oh dear.
Continue Reading Men in Black International: The Abridged Script…
https://www.the-editing-room.com/men-in-black-international.html