Happy Death Day 2U: The Abridged Script

“I was so surprised I could actually find a ‘Frustrating Murder Loop’ shirt on Etsy.”



Physics students PHI VU, SURAJ SHARMA and SARAH YARKIN are doing SCIENCE
STUFF in a COLLEGE LAB, when evil dean STEVE ZISSIS bursts in on them.

                              STEVE ZISSIS
               Hey gang!  I was just watching
               Ghostbusters, and the bit where the jerk
               dean kicks them out of college for being
               flaky pseudo-scientific jackoffs looked SO
               FUN that I decided to come give it a try
               myself.  So kindly fuck off!

                                 PHI VU
               But we’re just starting to get results! 
               Just yesterday at one past twelve in the
               morning, our quantum mechanics machine had
               a huge energy surge and quantumed ALL the
               mechanics!  Who knows what it even did? 
               Why, it might have caused an entire
               sorta-horror movie’s worth of time loop

                              SURAJ SHARMA
               Woah, what?  Are we seriously going to
               change the first movie’s premise from
               vague magic realism to sci-fi
               gobbledegook?  Do you have any idea how
               much stupider we just made that movie?!

                              SARAH YARKIN
               Yeah, like, if our machine caused the time
               loop, how come one random person in the
               general vicinity kept her memories?  How
               does it make any sense that the trigger
               for the loop was her death?

                              SURAJ SHARMA
               And what were the odds that she’d be
               exposed to this bizarre quantum effect
               that allowed her to come back from death,
               on the EXACT day that she wound up dying? 
               Basically, we used to have something
               ambiguously metaphysical; now we just have

                                 PHI VU
               Eh whatever.  I’m just gonna follow
               these creepy texts somebody is sending me,
               which contain just photos taken of me
               seconds beforehand.

                              SARAH YARKIN
               Are you going to check who sent them, ie
               the first thing anybody does with any text

                                 PHI VU
               Oh God no, that’d be a huge fucking

He tracks down his creepy texter to a supply closet and it’s the BABY

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