How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World: The Abridged Script

“Are… are these dragon-sperm?”


YOUNG CGI JAY BARUCHEL looks out over the OCEAN, while his father, CGI
GERARD BUTLER, pontificates.

                           CGI GERARD BUTLER
               Son, someday you will be a great
               chieftain, like me.  Everything the light
               touches will-

                         YOUNG CGI JAY BARUCHEL
               Dad, you’re pulling a Mufasa again.

                           CGI GERARD BUTLER
               Balls.  It’s hard to avoid, alright? 
               Anyway, Jay, somewhere out beyond the sea,
               there is a HIDDEN WORLD where dragons
               live.  It is my desire to find it and
               close the entrance between our two realms.
                For then, dragons and humans may live in

                         YOUNG CGI JAY BARUCHEL
               Really?  I’m pretty sure you’re
               hardcore genocidal for dragons.  That’s,
               like, your defining character trait.  All
               this “separate but equal” nonsense is
               news to me.  I mean, they killed my mom.

                           CGI GERARD BUTLER
                 (coughs, pulls collar)
               Yup.  They sure did that thing.  Gosh, can
               you imagine how fucked up it would be if
               my wife just pissed off to feed rescue
               pets instead of raising her child?

                         YOUNG CGI JAY BARUCHEL
                 (resting sleepily upon his father’s
               I think that’s something I could never
               be expected to forgive.  Luckily, she’s
               dead.  Dead, dead, dead.

                           CGI GERARD BUTLER
               Yes.  But perhaps she’s looking down on
               you, boy.  Like the great kings of the
               past, who look down on us from the stars,

                         YOUNG CGI JAY BARUCHEL
               Mufasa, dad.

                           CGI GERARD BUTLER


In the darkness of night, a lone SHIP sails through the briny sea, its
horde of CAGED DRAGONS sleeping on the upper deck.

                          VIKING DRAGON HUNTER
               That’s right, laddies.  Keep snoozin’.
                Please try not to remember ya fuckin’
               breath fire and we’re on a wooden boat.

                            CGI JAY BARUCHEL

                          VIKING DRAGON HUNTER
               GAH!  It’s the goose-voiced twink come
               to murder me!

                            CGI JAY BARUCHEL
               What?  No!  Shh, no, please, basically no
               one dies in these movies.  Even my fire
               sword functions more like a police baton. 

JAY turns his FIRE-SABER on and instantly lights the ENTIRE SHIP ABLAZE.

                            CGI JAY BARUCHEL
               Shit, how am I still bad at things?

                               CGI JONAH
               Probably because you keep hanging out with
               us, your hangers-on friends from grade
               school with identical, committee-designed
               “sassy” personalities straight out of
               90’s cereal commercials.

                            CGI T.J. MILLER
               I am also here-

MILLER is eaten by a DRAGON because he’s a FUCKING PSYCHOPATH.  His
role will henceforth be filled by ACCLAIMED CHILDREN’S ENTERTAINER

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